Life is Lollipops & Rainbows

Okay, maybe my header is a little bit too optimistic, especially for someone a cynical as I am. I will never, ever be the perky Katie Couric type, not that I’ve ever gotten up early enough to watch her. I’m more prone to becoming a Morticia Adams type, which wouldn’t bother me since I always loved her. It’s not in me to be bubbly. I’m more of the brooding type with a dark sense of humor. I think my mom finally learned to deal with the fact that I wasn’t the cheerleader type. Since I’m almost 40 and too old to wear the uniform, I do hope she’s given up on that dream. Madonna still wears one and she’s 15 years older, so maybe there’s hope after all. I remember being on a squad at aged 9 due to my mother’s urging and hated it. I thought it was a total waste of time and I still do. Now, if Fabs, the daughter I thought I would never have, decides to do it I will support her. I will support her in anything she wants to do within reason. No sex tapes. I am not Kris Kardashian and I don’t want that in my family. Ma Kardashian makes my skin crawl just thinking about her. I’m not sure exactly what it is but she gets under my skin. I think it’s the desperation in her trying to be 20 again. Lady, it’s long gone if you ever had it to begin with. Run, Bruce, run! Okay, now the bitch in me is coming out. Some people just bring it out. I’m not really a hateful person. Anyways, back to me being a bubbly person. Right, I’m not. I’m about to unleash upon the world, at least one who is just like me and possible one more. She might turn out like her father, a bright eyed, bushy tailed morning person. Hopefully my genes are dominant and she’s not so irritating in the morning. One thing I will never understand on God’s green earth is morning people – that and Obama lovers. Add people who don’t like chocolate to the list too. Speaking of chocolate, I have had way too much and I am gittery and anxious. I have panic disorder and it feels like a curse. It has a lot to do with too many ampethamines, pot that could have been laced with anything, one drop of acid too many and bad genetics. Stupid, stupid. Buyer beware. If there is anyone out there even contemplating anything of the sort, please think again. I can’t stress enough how much damage this kinda stuff has done to my already frail system – years on end of total anxiety and panic – not pretty. It’s especially not pretty when you think you are crazy and going to be committed. I hope my mom is not reading this. There are certain things you never want them to know but if anything I have written will help someone than it is totally worth it. I can’t even take typical diet drugs that everyone else takes. My system can’t handle it. One year I made that mistake and it had dire consequences – all in a quest to be thin. Needless to say, I ended up in a psychiatrist’s office with meds to calm me down. I think he gave me too much because it had me sleeping all day every day. The whole thing was a nightmare. Luckily I came out of it alive – barely. I should have known better. My instincts told me not to take it but I did it anyways. Life is full of warning signs, you just have to pay attention. Luckily, I heeded the warning to get the hell out of Louisiana. when I did, life did an about-face. Life may not be a rose garden but I don’t know too many people’s lives that are. Salma I’m-married-to-a-billionaire Hayek doesn’t count because I never met her. Even though she’s got it all something makes you like her anyways. Usually you hate someone like that but I don’t. Even though I’m not married to a billionaire, I’m pretty content with the life I have been given. Well, I’m off to bed. See you in the AM