I came across an article on Hillbilly Porn today and, of course, it caught my eye. I have nothing more to add to that. Yes I do. NO THANK YOU. I would prefer not to watch anything about people that are related to themselves or have relations with themselves for that matter. If you don’t believe such things exist you could check out this article. Speaking of Hillbillies…While I’m working on the continuation of my JonBenet saga from yesterday, I wanted to touch on something more lighthearted and trashy. Of course I’m talking about JonBenet’s hillbilly predecessor Honey Boo Boo Child. Of course JonBenet was devastatingly beautiful. HBB is so not.
They both won pageants but there is one burning question. How does HBB keep winnin’ these things ? While it’s evident why JonBenet was a winner, I just don’t understand the HBB thing. While I am not one to slate a child’s looks, HBB is not even remotely cute and to top it off, she is obese now. I hope she saves her TV money because I foresee her looking like her mom, hence, no more pageants.
I remember watching her on TV early on and finding her so irritating and obnoxious. Maybe it was the go-go juice talkin’. Then one day I saw her on a talk show and she was sweet and full of personality, not the irritating mess I was expecting. I guess she’s grown on me but I don’t understand all the hooplah over her and her banjo playing kinfolk. But, hey, if they dethrone the Kardashians and I never have to see them or hear about them again in this lifetime, I will be the biggest fan HBB ever did see. Yes siree Bob. I’ll star getting rough drafts for a tattoo.
It’s so obvious America is obsessed with HBB no matter of what they say. Sorta like no one likes Michael Bolton but somehow he has 8 Top Ten albums and countless awards. Funny. Well, needless to say, where the HBB family used to be rollin’ in the mud, they are now rollin’ in the dough. As Roseanne Barr once said about herself, they’re white trash with money. Since Hillbillies are ‘in’, Instead of looking for a job, I could pretend to be HBB’s real mother and cash in until they figure out it’s not true. Why not jump on the Hillbilly Gravy Train? I might as well break out my neon spandex tank top that’s been waiting for just such an occasion. It seems like all you need these days to make it is to act like a fool on national television. Hey, I got the ‘acting like the village idiot’ part down pat. These TV idiots aint got nothin’ on me.
On that note, I will bid you fond adieu or in Boo Boonese, A Dolla Makes Me Holla 
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