Winter is finally upon us here in Germany. Today is one of those cold, slushy days where it’s snowing but it doesn’t stay on the ground. It just leaves a big old sh***y mess. It looks like someone spilled a big ICEE. Anyways, on to more important things like my blog for instance. I would love to have more readers. I was born to entertain ya know. “It’s ma destiny.” said my best Blanche Devereaux drawl.
I check the stats everyday just to see how many people tune in and tune out. It’s totally anonymous so I can’t stalk anybody and ask them why they did not enjoy my ravings like Frasier Crane might do. According to Google Analytics, I have return visitors who leave right away and don’t look at anything. Isn’t that like buying concert tickets so you can boo the performer? I remember they did that to Lisa Simpson, Art Garfunkel and John Oates on their Second String tour or something like that. Talk about kickin’ a person when they’re down. Maybe I should attach 50 Shades of Grey to all my blogs like everybody else is doing or, better yet, Twilite. I could jump on the bandwagon and write a book called 50 Shades of Shea. I’ll put that in the ‘no’ category. Anyways, I never read either set of books and don’t understand the hype but I’d be more prone to read the 50 Shades trilogy than any teenage vampire drivel. I’ll probably lose potential readers just by saying that. To appease the masses, I will say that Robert Pattinson is cute and that I would be chasing after him if I were 20 but the other 2, you can dump em. Kristen is a miserable looking bore and the other guy looks like an Ewok. I can’t believe I even cared enough to notice. See how the mighty have fallen. These are desperate times. Desperate I tell you.
A friend of mine from New York sent me a message telling me we needed a get-rich-quick scheme quick. Times must be tough because he has a better job than I do. I don’t even have one. He must really be desperate when the word ‘escort’ comes into the conversation. I haven’t had anyone mention that idea since college. Well, there was that one Asian guy who wanted me to work for him giving ‘massages’ wearing skimpy lingerie that I declined. I’m afraid this gorgeous body is no longer available. Sorry to dash so many fantasies. Keep the dream alive fellas. Be strong. With the apocalypse and Jesus within spitting distance, I do not want ‘prostitution’ on the list. I’m pretty sure I already have a few strikes against me but I won’t elaborate. I will mercifully wrap this thing up and get back to you tomorrow on my ills and Jessica Simpson-like weight fluctuation. I know you can’t weight. No pun intended 
Do you check with Google Analytics every day? Can it tell you how many times someone has visited your Facebook timeline?
I check it everyday and no it can’t.
How many times have people visited your blog today?
3 in 30 minutes but one was probably me
How many today Shea? (And have I told you how much I like your name? It rhymes with so many words.
)
TY